How Do You Know When Someone Is Taking Their Last Breath
When we published a story on how to sit with someone who is dying, we asked for your experiences.
Many of you took the fourth dimension to recall and write, sharing your story in the hope it might help others.
Y'all wrote most the importance of simply beingness there, the hardest parts, and delivering your loved ones their favourite things for the concluding time.
Here is a curated collection of what information technology's like to comfort someone who is dying.
Thank you to everyone who shared with us.
On just being in that location...
It is a truthful honour and privilege to be with a person every bit their life on Earth ends. Be dauntless and take the backbone to say what y'all demand to, say cheerio. Cry, express joy, be silent, pray, respect cultural behavior. The most important thing is beingness there.
- Shelley, with her patients
I didn't feel awkward being there as they took their concluding jiff or sitting with them after they passed. I just felt information technology was one of the greatest gifts I could give them. To be at that place, give them comfort and show them how loved they were at the cease of their life.
- Justine, with her grandfathers
Sitting with my female parent when she died of cancer at historic period 62 and my father when he died at age 84 were rewarding experiences, as strange as that may audio. Information technology brought comfort to them both to take someone they loved with them. They were both anxious well-nigh being lone and leaving family backside.
There was frequently little conversation. But merely a bear upon of the hand, being there to pass a glass of water, serve spoonfuls of yoghurt, or chase upwardly a cup of tea were all that was needed.
For me it was the last gift I could give them.
- Joanne, with her parents
My advice to anyone who has the privilege to hang out with someone they love in their final moments is to just relax, take it all in, don't try too hard, as it sort of comes naturally. And let the one who is transitioning from this life into the next set the pace and standard of care, if they at all can.
It's a privilege to spend these last moments and I took it every bit such when my friend asked me to stay. I loved him very much, and not many days laissez passer betwixt thoughts of those last few days of his colourful life.
- Darren, with his friend
On not fearing death...
John died on our twelfth wedding ceremony, at almost the same time we took our vows, holding my hand. His dignified and gentle departure from this world 26 years ago reassured me that we should not fear expiry, only perhaps the manner in which nosotros die.
- Sheila, with her husband
The nursing staff had said I should bring in Mum's favourite nightie and perchance her perfume, merely to brand her feel comfortable. She was unconscious and on huge doses of opiates, and so I doubtable the idea of her being in her favourite nightie and smelling dainty was more for my do good than hers.
I don't know if she knew I was there. I wasn't agape to exist in the presence of expiry. It was extremely peaceful and Mum slipped abroad without a struggle. I would fifty-fifty telephone call it a good and beautiful death.
- Rioghnach, with her adoptive mum
On delivering their favourite things...
On a Saturday night, the nurses allow united states smuggle our dog in, and then that Tiger could see where Dadda was — he was getting quite upset at me leaving at dawn and coming home at midnight. He was charmed to see Ray, even though he was unconscious, and was quite prepared to stay put on the bed at his feet.
- Annie, with her husband
We had funny moments. She all of a sudden decided one day that she wanted chocolate custard. That ended up being her last food. We syringed h2o into her rima oris throughout the days until she refused that as well. Nosotros were all there when she took her very last jiff. It was incredibly distressing, gut wrenching, heartbreaking and yet 1 of the nigh beautiful experiences. I was honoured to take shared that moment with her.
- Melinda, with her mum
Information technology was close to Christmas when my dad died ... so when we realised he wasn't going home, we decorated his room with a tree, had a big basin of lollies on the tabular array, brought in a soft yellowish lamp instead of the glaring bright white lights, and played his favourite music softly.
My mum, all 4 of us kids and our families came and went, and chatted and laughed. Dad always loved our banter and that's what we did ... he watched and smiled from his bed. When the fourth dimension came, we held his hand and told him nosotros loved him.
In that location were lots of tears, merely I had some of the all-time conversations in those last few days with him. Lots of laughs and smiles.
- Deborah, with her dad
On savouring an embrace...
I promised Phil that I wouldn't get out him, and that he wouldn't die solitary. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't something that I was always able to practise. I plant that sometimes I could only be present, and sometimes I needed to exercise something.
One of the most precious gifts the palliative care team looking later him gave me was to tell me that I could get into bed with Phil and hold him. I have photos that I got one of the nurses to take of those very special moments.
- Mirella, with her husband
On the unexpected...
Nosotros saturday in the room for half dozen or seven hours, telling stories, reminiscing, holdings Dad's manus and stroking his forehead. Nosotros laughed, and cried, but we were at that place.
His animate was laboured, which was very difficult to watch, but the changes we were told to await started to happen. We were all in the room and around the bed as his animate became extremely shallow for a few minutes and he took his last breath.
It wasn't pretty, simply I am glad I was there. In an odd fashion, information technology as well brought me closer to my siblings — an unexpected side-effect that would have pleased my dad immensely.
- Nerissa, with her father
I sat for 9 hours with my late husband on his terminal day. He suffered death rattles throughout the whole time. Never having experienced a person facing their last hours, I constitute this an overwhelming time.
Merely seconds before his concluding breath, he opened his eyes wide and I am sure he was aware of my presence. Alzheimer's had consumed him for a few years. The hardest 24-hour interval in my life, only I am happy to know I was at that place and kept my promise to him.
- Patricia, with her husband
On the relief...
Information technology was very hot at the time and I remember washing her face to soothe her, applying moisturiser, combing her hair, just sitting and talking to her about what I had been doing. Sometimes she would grin, effort to talk. Other times she was obviously someplace else.
The last solar day she lived information technology seemed that she laboured for a long time to take breaths, which became increasingly shallow and drawn out. Several times we thought that she had stopped breathing, but then she would take another breath. And nosotros would be thrown back into that limbo time of merely waiting, just being at that place for her.
It was a mercy when she took that terminal jiff, because this wasn't what she had wanted. She had wanted a quick and merciful death, not this dragged out torture. I only hope she was able to find peace at last.
- Jan, with her female parent
It's a retention etched in your listen forever. I vividly call up both parents dying. One was only xiv years ago while the other was 32 years agone, but the moments are still vivid to me. I think when the person has been suffering, it's a relief to run across that pain and suffering end.
- Veronica, with her parents
On what was hard...
It was 1 of the hardest things I accept ever done. I sat next to my mum every bit she was dying from pancreatic cancer. To see such a sharp, witty and strong adult female reduced to a frail and confused vanquish of who she was in one case was is, quite bluntly, heartbreaking. I will never ever forget the look on her face in her concluding hours.
- Sarah, with her mum
I watched my ma slowly die for ten days, and was with her when she took her last jiff. It wasn't a "pretty" decease. I kept pleading with her to let become, only she kept on breathing. I felt very lone with the experience and felt relief when it was over. I and so wanted her suffering to end. She went in the afternoon in the middle of a thunderstorm.
- Jen, with her mum
Upon reflection, I feel every bit if I actually saturday with someone for 14 months while they were dying. The last couple of months were horrendous. It wasn't fifty-fifty but seeing what the cancer itself was doing, but having the role of "organiser" in someone'south death.
By "organiser", I mean it's being the 1 who is gathering family and rallying friends for final goodbyes, and all the while trying to maintain that element of hope, positivity and at times sanity. That to me was all part of my sitting with someone who is dying feel.
- Carolyn, with her partner
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Source: https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/your-stories-of-being-there-when-someone-died/10147482
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